Video Length: 00:03:31

You’re 29 years old, staring 30 dead in the face. You graduated with a degree in Communications, Political Science or Criminology, and you’re working part-time at two different bars barely making enough money to pay your student loans. Now you wanna blame Obama because you haven’t found a career yet. Maybe if you spent less time uploading duck face pics of you and your girls in front of margaritas on Instagram and more time stepping up your LinkedIn game so you look like a respectable member of society, you could actually put that Bachelor’s degree to use.

Your competition is already blowing it up. Last night, LinkedIn (LNKD – Analyst Report) announced quarterly earnings that crushed expectations. The member account increased 20% year over year to 396 million. Think about that next time you post on Facebook talking about how hungover you are or Tweet some stupid hashtag about only living once. Q3 revenues increased 37.2% year over year to $779.6 million, well above the $750 million that was the top end of the guidance range.

And if you think LinkedIn is just a clunky website for old dudes finally upgrading from America Online Dial-Up to DSL from AT&T, you’re wrong. The company’s mobile engagement continues to increase and now represents 55% of the unique visitors compared with 52% in the previous quarter. My girlfriend yells at me all the time for what she thinks is playing with my phone. Get your mind honey, I’m not swiping a bunch of local wilderbeasts to the left on Tinder, I’m keeping my LinkedIn game strong.

I don’t use it to go job hunting either. I promise you, I have a very nice gig going over here. I do videos, I make stock picks, and I spend all day trying to take over the world. And they pay me to do it. I use LinkedIn to connect with people I would never have the chance to connect with in person. Why do you think so many of my contacts are in New York with CNBC? I’m trying to make Zacks a household name and make this gorgeous beard the mark of market maven. Hey CNBC, what about Dave?

LinkedIn was a Zacks Rank #2 (Buy) heading into the earnings report. EPS came in at a 6 cent loss versus our Zacks Consensus Estimate of a 32 cent loss. That’s a very healthy beat. Already we’ve seen analysts come in and increase their revenue estimates and price targets on LinkedIn. The increased mobile engagement could give a hint on overall mobile activity in the social media space. Perhaps this will bode well for next week’s Facebook (FB – Analyst Report) announcement. That stock, along with Izea (IZEA – Snapshot Report), MeetMe (MEET – Snapshot Report) and Zix Corp (ZIXI – Snapshot Report) are all Zacks Rank #1 (Strong Buy) stocks in an industry that’s ranked in the Top 40% of our Zacks Industry Rank.