PARIS – Well, this is the big day.

The FOMC – the group within the Fed that votes on policy – is supposed to make an historic announcement.

It is supposed to begin going “back to normal” with interest rates.

Late at night, after hours of drinking, meditation, and prayer, we decided to get the inside scoop.

Here’s how it went…

Weight of the World

“Yo… Janet. This is Bill.”

“Excuse me… How did you get this number?”

“I asked the NSA. It has everyone’s number.”

“I’m sorry… but I have to hang up. I have a big day tomorrow.”

“Yes… that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I sympathize with you completely.”

“What?”

“You must feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your decisions will affect the entire planet’s economy. Speculators will get rich… or lose their shirts. Businesses will flourish… or go broke. Jobs will be gained… or lost. Lives will be affected… some of them in devastating ways.”

“We are just doing our job.”

“Yes… And no matter what you do… some people will complain. If there is a bear market or a recession… they will blame you. It isn’t fair, is it?”

“Well… we do our best.”

“Yes… and who could deny that you’ve done a magnificent job? Your interest rate policies have helped bring about a recovery. We owe it to you. If you had let the market set interest rates, it would have been a disaster. Instead, you knew better… As Ben Bernanke put it, you had the ‘courage to act.’ And it paid off.”

“I’m afraid I will have to go…”

“But… your rate policy has been so successful, I can’t help but wonder: Why stop now? I mean, you’ve demonstrated that you can choose a better rate than the market; why would you want to go back to…”